I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to
those places.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped
The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for dinner and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often
Historians are the deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said... Alright... you're ugly too!
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped
The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for dinner and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often
Historians are the deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said... Alright... you're ugly too!
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
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