Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers - what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
- Life is a sexually transmitted disease
- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich
- Give a person an fish and feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years
- Some people are like a Slinky - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing
- All of us can take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism
- Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30?
- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal
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