Midweek Inspiration

How to handle criticism or verbal attacks...

- Henrik

And more specifically, what to do when something someone says really gets under
your skin and hurts you.

Because by replacing destructive thought habits with more positive habits this can
become a much, much smaller issue.

1. Let it out.

The first thing I often do after I notice that something did actually get under my
skin is to talk it over with someone close to me. Usually my girlfriend. 

By just letting it out and venting you can release a lot of inner tension and the two
of you can find a more helpful and healthier perspective on what has gotten

under your skin.

2. Ask yourself: is the person having a bad day or year?

When my self-esteem was lower than it is today then I used to think that pretty
much all the negative things people said to me was my fault.

However, that is often not the case. People can verbally attack you or nag or

criticize harshly because they may have had an awful day or week. Or simply
because they do not like their lives very much at all.

So don't think this is all about you. There are two of you in this situation.

3. Ask yourself: could there be something here that could help me? 

This question is not always fun to ask yourself. And it doesn't always lead

anywhere at all. But after you have calmed down by using the steps above it can
be helpful.

Especially if this is the fifth or tenth time you have heard the same thing from
people. Then there might be something here you would like to work on.

So at least take a minute or two to think about it.

4. Learn how to improve and keep your self-esteem steady.

I have improved my own self-esteem greatly and teaching people to do that for

themselves is something that is very close to my heart.

Because I know how it is to have low self-esteem and how limited and unhappy life
can become.

And I know the difference that having a mental self-esteem toolbox and healthier
thought habits makes.

Less stuff gets under your skin for example. It bounces off of you. It does not drag
you down and ruin your day or week.

I