சிரிப்பு ஞானம்....34

Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium? 

Niku: BA. 

Professor:For sodium?

 Niku: NA.

 Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA& 2 atoms of NA combined?

 Niku: BANANA .

A priest and a drunk man were playing golf together. The priest told the drunk to tee off first. The drunk swings and, of course, misses. "Damn, I missed!" he says.

The priest tells the drunk to watch his language. The drunk tells the priest to just shut up, swings again, and misses again. "Damn, I missed AGAIN!" he says.

The priest says, "If you say that again, the heavens are going to part and God will strike you down!"

The drunk just shrugs and swings again, missing badly. "Damn, I missed AGAIN!" he says.

Suddenly, the heavens part and a lightning bolt strikes ...

...... the priest. 

Then a loud, booming voice says, "DAMN, I MISSED!" 

By the time the morning service was to begin only one man was in the church. The priest said ''it looks everyone has slept in, do you want to go home or should i preach the sermon''

The man replied ''when i go to feed the chicken and only one comes but i still feed the chicken''

The priest took that as yes and delivered a long sermon. At the end he asked the man how he felt?

The man answered'' when i go to feed the chicken only one comes, i don't feed it the whole bucket''

UNDERSTAND AND NOT MISUNDERSTAND

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned. He then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

MORAL:
Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.

Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi.....the taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds......so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them : "we have arrived"
The first man gave him money...
the second one thanked him.....

but the third one....he slapped the taxi driver.....
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them must have had realized that the car dint move an inch.....so, he asked the third man : "what was that for?"
*
*
*
the third man replied : "control your speed from next time onwards......you almost killed us....."

** An Ant saw strawberry juice & shouted: "Aaaah at last I visited the red sea!!!!"

**Two cockroaches were admitted in ICU,
The first Cockroach asked: "Raid???"
The second Cockroach replied: "No, Shoe!!!"

**An NRI sent a blank sms to his wife, why?
He didn't want to talk to her!!!

**A man hit his brand new car in to the wall, why?
He wanted to test whether the airbags are working!!!

**Policeman caught a drunk man & asked: "Why your eyes are red?", The drunk man replied: "Actually i drunk tomato sauce while i was sleeping!!!"

**Two mad people were fighting on motorcycle, why?
They were arguing about 'who will sit near the window'!!!

**A drunk man opened his fridge & saw the jelly shaking.
So he said: "don't worry dear, i will not eat u now!!!"

** A drunk man gave his mobile to his friend & said: "please send a sms to my girlfriend, because my hand-writing is very bad!!!

** One American came first time to India, & asked what does "minimum" means in Hindi??? A man replied: "kam se kam". So the next day during a conversation with an Indian, the American man wanted to say “We have the maximum cold”, so he said "we have go se go cold in America" (opposite of come se come)