SMILE....300

A father had his 4 children sit in a circle with him on the floor. He then placed a toy he had won as a door prize in the center of the circle, and said he wanted to give it to the most obedient child.

He then asked them "who is the most obedient?" There was no response from any of the children.

Sensing that they didn't understand what "obedient" meant he then asked, "who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?"

One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. 

Okay, "YOU WIN!" exclaimed the child. 

 Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

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"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

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My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

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They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

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"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

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I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .

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But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

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It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

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"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

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"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."

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A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

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"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

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I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.

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"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."

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We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

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"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "

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"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."