சிரிப்பு ஞானம்....102

Actual HR Meanings

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"

We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"

We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON"

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

You Know You Work in the 21st century

when

… cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
… your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
… pick-up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital gains.
… you consider inner-office mail painfully slow.
… you refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.
… you lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their process.
… you think "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing a project" are acceptable English phrases.
… you refer to tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.
… you find you need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
… you know the people at the airport hotels better than you know your neighbors.
… you ask your friends to "think out of the box" when you make your Friday night plans.
… you get excited when it’s Saturday so you can wear sweats to work.
… you think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o’clock.

Wake Up, You Bum!

12 explanations that employees might say when they’re caught sleeping at their desks.

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper. You probably got here just in time."
"This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work."
"It’s okay ... I’m still billing the client."
"I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement."
"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
"I was doing a yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress."
"Rats! Why did you interrupt me? I almost had figured out a solution to our biggest company problem."
"The coffee machine’s broken."
"Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."
"Amen."

Top Ten Signs the Pressures of the Job are Getting to You

10. You wake up in a panic. . . in the middle of an important CEO meeting.

9. You're paranoid that the plant-watering crew are IRS agents in disguise.

8. You get up from your desk to do something, and then forget what it was.

7. No one in your office smiles. . . at you.

6. Antacids are included on your expense report.

5. You want to quit, but you're addicted to the stress.

4. You chip a tooth biting on your pen.

3. Those funky-colored stress toys on your desk need retreading.

2. You're considering adding an HRMS to your appointment book.

1. You answer every phone call with "Mommy?