WORKPLACE GOSSIP

The best and most ethical way to deal with workplace gossip is to recognize that all gossip is shame and anger projection. It is an implicit communication by the speaker about their own internal emotional state. It has nothing to do with the target of the gossip. Anger and shame projection underlies all bullying.

We all have anger/shame leftover from childhood. It originates from injustices experienced at the hands of siblings and parents during childhood. It resides in our animal, fight/flight, reactive, non-verbal, non-rational brain.

Our repressed shame and anger memories are triggered in adulthood by others for various reasons known only to the subconscious. This creates a painful psychic inner state and to make the pain go away, it is rejected and projected onto the person who unknowingly triggered the memories, by ridicule directly or behind their back or even violence.

The subject/theme of the gossip has everything to do with the particular shame the projector is feeling. If the target of the gossip is somewhat physically awkward, that may trigger a memory of ridicule by a parent in the projector’s mind and so a verbal expression of ridicule towards the awkward person will be projected.

Projection, gossip and bullying originates from the animal brain and the person feels fully justified about it, lacks self awareness and may lack memory of it when confronted.

Gossip about people in authority positions, on the job or political figures is ALL shame and anger projection. Consider Richard Nixon, who appeared awkward and continues to be a target of ridicule down to this day.

People in authority positions also trigger anger projection merely by being a “parent figure”. People who manifest passive/aggressive anger will “fail to comply” with some simple request or rule and then embark on a gossip campaign against the authority figure complaining that the minor request or rule is an injustice to them. They may be completely unaware they are acting irrationally.

Sociopaths, psychopaths, Borderlines and narcissists will also engage in gossip, slander and bullying to control a situation are to “destroy” a person who appears to be thwarting one of their goals. The Narcissist, sociopath and the borderline will do this from emotional and animal reasoning, even when they do not need to or there is no actual threat. Usually they will go to the targets superior and complain bitterly about how the target has treated them and creating false narratives.

Workplace slander, gossip and anger projection are unavoidable, they originate in a person’s animal brain. The best way to handle them is by NOT REACTING to the gossip, either if it is about you or someone else. If you are going to say anything, simply state the gossip back to them in a question form “I/he am/is an idiot ???” Keep doing this with their statements and it helps bring them out of their animal trance.

If you are a person in authority and someone comes to you with an accusation or slander against a subordinate, avoid accepting it at face value and go after the target angrily. Discuss it with the target of the accusation calmly and get their side of it.